Trading Lunches

I made the kids a menu, and they chose what they wanted for lunch.  When I delivered their order to the table, they immediately started looking at each other's food.  Sarah said, "I wish I would have chosen fish sticks.  Hey Noah, I'll give you half of my peanut butter and jelly sandwich for half of your fish sticks."  Noah had five fish sticks on his plate, and he figured Sarah didn't know what half of five was, so he said, "How many fish sticks would I have to give you?"  Sarah answered two, and Noah winked at me.  Then he told her that it would really be two and a half, but that he didn't want to give up even two, so he suggested they just trade bites.  After trading bites of their main course, the decided to trade a slice of apple for a segment of clementine.  Having never been to school, they don't know about school kids trading lunches, so it must just come naturally.  The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. 

Where's the maid?

Sarah wanted to play Olympic gymnastics, and Noah wanted to play major league baseball.  They worked it out by deciding that Sarah would be Dominique Mocieanu (a gymnast), and Noah would be her brother, Carlos Marmol (a Cubs pitcher).  They lived together in a big apartment (the living room), and Dominique would practice her gymnastics while Marmol was pitching.  They had an empty bottle of vanilla extract which they filled with rice crispies.  They said those were their pills, and they were beer-flavored but didn't make them drunk.  Of course, they were obscenely rich and traveled in limousines and had chauffeurs, personal trainers, and chefs. 

I hated to interrupt their play, since they were actually getting along well, but Marmol had left a mess under the kitchen table when he ate, so I called him in to sweep it up.  He did it, but as he was sweeping, I heard him grumble something about why did the maid have to call in sick today. 

Botannical Garden

We have a bunch of beautiful tulips all along the side of our house.  Every time one blooms, Sarah plucks it and gives it to me.  I have my own botannical garden in the kitchen now. 

Oz and Nz

I made Sarah's day by slipping a note and two chocolate chips under her door during quiet time.  My note said, "Dear Sarah, here's a little treat for you.  Love, Mom".  She read it out loud and let out a little squeal.  Then a note arrived under my door.  It said, "Mom I hav sum oz and nz for you".  It came with some cut up scraps of colored paper.  I studied it for a long time but couldn't figure out what the oz and nz could be.  I asked her later, and she explained that it was "odds and ends".  :)

Ants

Sometimes I plan a lesson or activity, and I think it will take a long time, but it ends up being over in five minutes. Today I planned a five-minute lesson on ants, and it went on for three hours!  I bought an ant farm several months ago and recently ordered the ants.  It's completely illogical that I paid four dollars for ants when I have a whole yard full of billions of free ants.  Yesterday the special non-mating Harvester ants arrived.  This morning I put them in the fridge so they would doze off and be easier to transfer to the farm.  While they were nodding off to sleep, I taught my lesson about the features and life cycles of ants.  Then we dumped the sleepy ants into the farm and spent a long time watching them wake up and start burrowing. 

Watching the ants inspired Sarah to draw them:

Then she donned some antennae, and they both wanted to play ants.

The learning was really cemented during playtime.  Here they are using their antennae to communicate:

The red ant and the black ant built a burrow and dove in:

The best part was that they wanted me to be the queen ant, whose only job is to eat and lay eggs.  Sarah put her tiara on me over my antennae, and I assumed my queenly English accent and attitude.  The worker ants covered me with a blanket and brought me food.  All I had to do was boss them around (which comes naturally) and say "plop plop plop" occasionally as I laid the eggs.

Return of the Calgon moment

This all happened within about 30 minutes.  First, Sarah wanted to invite the neighbor kids over for smoothies.  So while I was making smoothies, Noah came running in the house yelling, "Mom! I need a tissue!  I look like I've been in the Revolutionary War!"  And he did.  He was covered with blood and leaving a trail of blood all over the floor. This used to alarm me, but I'm used to his change-of-season nosebleeds by now, so I sent him back outside with a wad of tissues.  I delivered the smoothies and started wiping blood off the kitchen floor.  That's when I noticed the ants.  There was a line of them from the wall to a chunk of food under Sarah's chair.  The food was so completely covered by ants that I couldn't even tell what it was.  I started killing ants left and right, smashing them with the handle of a little broom, and I was yelling at them, "Go tell your friends this is not a safe house to come into!"  Noah came in for more tissues and was still gushing blood.  He started yelling at the ants, "Thousands of your men will be killed in battle if they come into this house...but at least they'll die with a full stomach!" 

He went back outside, and I heard lots of talk about who spilled whose smoothie all over the garage.  I started vacuuming up ant carcasses. Sarah came in because she was bleeding.  A new tooth coming in was bothering her.  After getting her bleeding stopped, I had to make a trip to Walmart for last minute dinner supplies. I went out to the garage and discovered smoothie in my shoes.  I sent a kid to wash out my shoes while I put on different shoes and went to the store.  It took me less than five minutes to get what I needed, but when I came back out to the parking lot, I couldn't remember where I parked.  I wandered all over the parking lot, carrying my two bags and trying to fight off a wasp that was dogging me everywhere I went. 

Finally found the car, made dinner, everyone stopped bleeding, shoes are clean, Mike sprayed for ants, all is well.

Straight from the horse's mouth

Last week, after a terrible incident, I banned my daughter from ever using glue again as long as she lives.  So today, I'm watching through the window at my kids' art class.  The teacher is explaining that they're going to do a project that will involve drawing, gluing,...
At that point, Sarah raises her hand and announces, "I won't be able to do that project."
The teacher asks why, and Sarah puts on a sad face and quotes me perfectly: "Because my mom said I am not allowed to use glue ever again as long as I live."