If Heaven Were a Sausage

The kids and I were having lunch and talking about various things.  Noah said, "Mom, you should write a book when you get old.  You've had an interesting life."
Sarah said, "I'm going to write a book too.  It's called 'The Medal-less Martial Artist'.  It's about me." (She must still be disturbed by her performance at last weekend's tournament).
Noah said, "But you've medaled before..."
She said, "Well, maybe I'll call it the Medaling Medal-less Martial Artist."  
I asked if she meant "meddling" or "medaling", and after I explained what meddling is, we had a good laugh about that little play on words.  
Then Sarah suddenly announced that the title of her book was going to be "If Heaven Were a Sausage".  I asked her what it would be about, and she said, "It would tell what the people in heaven would be if they were foods."
[I was done eating and had moved on to cleaning, but I forced myself to stop wiping so I could transcribe this conversation.  That's why I have lots of good stories and my house is a perpetual mess.]
Noah: Jesus would obviously be bread, because He called Himself bread in the Bible.  Hey, I just had a revelation!  In the Lord's prayer, when we say 'Give us this day our daily bread', we're really saying, 'Give us this day our daily Jesus!'"
Sarah: Mary would be a saltine because of her salty tears.
N: David would be an anchovy, because he's just salty.
S: Peter would be black licorice, because he looks good but tastes awful.
N: Paul would be a cow. And Sarah, you would be a pork shoulder.
S: Hey! You just wanted to call me a butt!  Well, you would be congealed pork blood!
N: Nah, I'd be yeast. You know why? Because I'm always rising to the top!
S: If anybody is yeast, it's Jesus. He's the one who rose.
N: Oh yeah, Jesus is yeast, and God is the bread, because there's yeast in bread!
S: God would be pizza!
N: Definitely.

Cloud pictures

The kids and I were looking at clouds yesterday.  Lots of interesting fluffy ones up there in the pretty summer sky.  I saw one that looked like a lion, so I said, "Hey, that one looks like a lion!"  Noah said, "Oh yeah, it does!  But it also looks like it could be a scorpion."  Sarah said, "No, you're both wrong. It's a teapot."  And when we saw it, we had to agree.  Teapot was the best interpretation.

Can't win

Sarah and I were driving to Peoria and hit that spot where the construction zone ends and the speed limit suddenly goes from 45 to 70.  I was gradually speeding up, when a little white-haired lady in a Buick passed me in the passing lane.  Sarah said, "Why are you going so slow, Mom?!  A granny just passed us!"  I explained that I was in the process of accelerating. When I got up to 70, I passed Old Buick Lady and yelled back to Sarah, "Did you see that?  I just passed someone!  Woo-hoo!"  She rolled her eyes and said, "Passing a granny is not an accomplishment to celebrate."

Yo mama disintegration

Well, I'm way behind on blogging.  Lots has happened, but I haven't blogged it.  Just a quick one today because I want to remember these things the kids have said.  

First, Noah made a "yo mama" joke to Sarah, and she said, "You realize we have the same mother, right?" and he changed it to, "Yo birthmama!"

Noah was asking me what I want done with my body after I die.  He asked if I wanted it buried or ashes scattered somewhere or what. I told him that I won't be in my body anymore and couldn't care less what happens to it.  I told him all those funeral arrangement things are for the benefit of the survivors, not the dead, so to discuss it with Sarah and do whatever brings them comfort.  He immediately yelled to Sarah in the next room, "Hey, Sarah!  What do you want to have done with Mom's body after she dies?"  Without hesitation, she yelled back, "Have it disintegrated!"  He said, "What, just throw it out in the backyard to rot?"  She said, "No!  Have it disintegrated! Isn't that when they burn it into ashes?"  He said, "It's called cremation, not disintegration!"  She shrugged and said, "Whatever." 

Vegan

I've tried it, thought about it, researched it, prayed about it, and finally decided.  I am a vegan.  I know too much now to go back.  Here's why, in no particular order:

1. For health reasons.  I feel better physically, emotionally, spiritually.  I have lost weight and have more energy.

2.  For environmental reasons.  I've learned that animal agriculture accounts for more greenhouse gases than fossil fuels and creates waste that pollutes the waterways and ends up in the oceans. Rainforests are being destroyed to make room for pastureland for animals and the crops required to feed them.

3.  Because I love animals and don't want to eat them anymore.  I've seen videos of how animals are treated in factory farms, and I don't want any part of it.

4.  For hungry people. There is more than enough land on the earth to produce enough food for everyone living on it.

5. I believe it's God ideal for humans.  The first people in the Garden of Eden were vegan, and someday when God restores everything to perfection, we will be vegan again.  God created animals with the breath of life in them and gave us dominion over them, which means we're responsible for taking care of them. 

2 Peter 1:3

In the car, having a discussion with Noah, I came to a conclusion.  The topic was: Why did God design it so that the best time to have children physically is when you're young but mentally is when you're too old to physically bear children anymore?  I think it's so we would be forced to rely on each other (the old on the young and vice versa) and more importantly, so we would have to rely on God.   If young people were as wise as they are strong,  and if old people were as strong as they are wise, everyone would think they have no need for God. We need the strength and energy of the young and the wisdom and experience of the old, and the only One who can provide energy, strength, wisdom, experience, and everything else we need for life is God.

Update/midlife crisis

It's been a full week since I cheated on my vegan diet.  Today I went to the Wellmobile and got my blood tested with shocking results: my total cholesterol dropped  from 278 to 186 (from Oct. 20, 2015 to today), and my LDL dropped from 198 to 116!  Triglycerides are also down from 120  to 96. Blood pressure dropped too. I have lost 20 pounds.  All my numbers were well within the normal range.  I have more energy and feel better in every way.  All this encourages me to keep going.

I think this lifestyle change is my midlife crisis.  I've been evaluating my life and contemplating what changes I need to make for the rest of it.  I don't want to be overweight, unhealthy, and tired for the rest of my time here.