The Fast - Day 7

Sunday, February 18, 2024

Up early to run the tech at church this morning. Had a bowl of oatmeal with mashed banana, cinnamon, honey, and salt. Ate it slowly and savored every flavor-drenched, nutrient-filled bite. Needed energy and vocal strength for tonight. Then I just binged on half a sleeve of saltines. While I was wiping a drip of honey from the bottle and licking it, I was struck by how incredibly sweet and delectable honey is. I spontaneously prayed a poem: "Thank You for making honey with bees and for hiding sap inside trees."

My voice was not strong, but good enough to get me through a short worship set without cracking. I stayed at the piano to provide background music for ministry that was going on, which gave me a good excuse to avoid the snack table where people were going after ministry. I played until the last person was done and then went out to the snack table where everyone had congregated. There were homemade chocolate chip cookies and other delicacies that I tried not to look at, and then…God provided for me again. He is so faithful! One of the first year students came up to me and handed me a jar of unknown liquid, which I was happy to drink. It turned out to be fruit-infused vinegar, which she had made herself and nobody else would try. It was just what I needed. So good. She was excited to tell me about it and promised to bring me a different flavor next week. 

The poem I prayed got longer as I thought about it later. It doesn't feel complete, but here it is so far:

Hidden Treasures

“I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” - Isaiah 45:3 

You bury water underground

Treasure waiting to be found

You grow pearls inside of shells

Release sound from inside bells

You form babies in dark wombs

And open buds into new blooms

Thank You for making honey with bees

And for hiding sap within trees

And for Your Spirit that won’t decay

Glowing inside these jars of clay

The Fast - Day 6

Saturday, February 17, 2024

I was planning to have some oatmeal so I would have energy to work at the grand opening of the Cancer Institute this afternoon. But I left earlier than planned and didn’t have time to eat anything or drink much. Filled up my water bottle and left. Went to visit friends at the hospital and then walked to the Institute, which was not where I thought it was, so ended up being a much longer walk in the cold wind. Finally got there and refilled my water bottle and hoped I’d make it through more walking, herding people on tours.

While I was waiting with my tour group, one of the chefs in the teaching kitchen was making a smoothie. I watched him put in spinach, fresh ginger, pineapple, banana, and I said to him, “I want a smoothie real bad.” He said, “I’d be happy to make you one! What kind would you like?” I told him whatever he’s making would be great, and he poured me a glass. It was exactly what I needed. I’m amazed at the ways God provides. There was also cucumber water available at this event, so I filled up my water bottle with that and then went to church, where I was working tech and drank lots of water. A busy happy day of serving, with no time to think about food, and the Lord sustained me with enough energy to do all the things all day long.

The Fast - Day 5

Friday, February 16, 2024

Weak and hungry. Woozy and moving slowly. Wondering how I’ll be able to do my job tonight that requires strength and energy. Planning to have some oatmeal before I go. Mike was telling me about the delicious buffet he had last night at a hockey game (he took a day off from the fast), and I got so into his description that a little trickle of drool actually escaped the corner of my mouth. Watching a cooking class webinar. I miss food. Having trouble getting focused on the Lord. Swore once this morning but caught myself a few times and didn’t. Still swearing in my mind more than I should be. 

I told myself that I could have oatmeal this afternoon. I thought about that oatmeal all morning. By 11:15, I thought, “If I start heating the water right now and I do it real slowly, it will be afternoon by the time it’s done.” When the water finally got hot enough, I put in the oats, stirred them around and watched them swirling and dancing in the water. After ten minutes, I took them off the heat so they wouldn’t get mushy, but it was only 11:54, so I set them on the counter, smelled them, and breathed in the steam, imagining how good they were going to taste. At 11:59, I loaded some onto a spoon and positioned it in front of my  mouth, so as soon as the clock turned 12:00, I shoveled it in. I made a big pot full of oats, and I ate it all. I’m full and ready to work. 

I got to work at OSF and saw this gauze pack on the desk. I was sure it was fresh mozzarella.

The Lord’s message to me today is that He will finish what He started in me. Give Him the little I have to offer, and in His big hands, it is more than enough. You see the light more clearly in darkness. It shines brighter. 

The Fast - Day 4

Thursday, February 15, 2024

I had a singing lesson this morning, and my teacher right away noticed my voice sounded different. She asked me if I’ve been sick. I told her I’ve been fasting, and she said she could tell, because my voice is weak. Having trouble getting my brain to recite the scriptures that I have memorized. Feeling weak. Made it through the whole day and then caved in the evening. Ate a bunch of saltines and a big smoothie made with almond milk, protein powder, spinach and banana. I think I may have figured out what was causing my stomach issues yesterday. Electrolytes on an empty stomach. Not drinking Liquid IV anymore. No stomach problems today. I learn something every time I fast. Didn’t spend enough time with God today. Working on a project that took most of the day. I did ask Him what songs He wanted to do for Sunday night, and He was faithful to tell me. 

The Fast - Day 3

Wednesday, February 14, 2024

I forgot to mention that Mike is fasting with me! That makes it so much easier. I don't have to worry about feeding him or feel guilty for not feeding him, and we can empathize with each other's suffering. He's not doing exactly the same fast, but we're in it together. 

The Lord directed me to Deuteronomy 30 and spoke to me about choices. I have the power to choose life or death. Today I choose life and health in my physical, emotional, and spiritual being!  Verse 14 says, “But the word is very near you. It is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can do it.”  His word is in my mouth; I don't need food in my mouth. I can do it!

Feeling surprisingly good today. Went to water aerobics and had plenty of energy. Of course I would like to eat, but so far I’ve been able to distract myself (of course, it’s only noon, and the hardest part is usually the evening).

Well, now it’s 3:00pm, and I’m having stomach upset and feeling cold and not great.

9:00pm update:  I had a couple minor slips tonight. My stomach felt bad, empty and churning so I ate several saltines. Felt better but ate more than I should have of something that I wasn’t planning on eating during the fast at all, let alone on day 3. This is the first day that a swear word came out of my mouth too. Not in anger or insult, just as an adjective that I’d like to stop using. Caught myself right away and got back on track. 

The Fast - Day 2

Tuesday, February 13, 2004

Not hungry and woke up with no desire to eat. Cleaned my bathroom and did some vacuuming to warm myself. Did it in sections because I don't have much energy. Feeling pleasantly dizzy. Stomach started growling and I wanted to eat. Drank a cucumber-mojito Liquid IV, just because I wanted something warm. I heated it on the stove and stirred it with a whisk and pretended I was cooking something. I don’t normally like that flavor much, but right now it’s delicious. And delightfully warm. I was going to try to last on plain water a little longer, but it’s all good. Spent some time with God and wrote a song based on a vision He gave me.

I was scheduled to work at my food-centric job today, but my boss said to take the day off. That has never happened before. God's grace for sure. I didn’t request the day off, didn’t mention anything at all to anyone, but here I am with a day off and thankful for it! Cooking and serving and talking about and being surrounded by food all day at work is probably the most difficult part of fasting.

 

The Fast - Day 1

God invited me to do a 21-day fast. I decided to blog it to give testimony to what the Lord will do.  The purpose is not to impress anyone with how holy I am (I am not) or to work for God's love (He already loves me), or manipulate Him into doing something (that's not how He works). The goal is to crown my spirit ruler over my flesh, to reset my body to be the holy temple that God designed it to be. The plan is to consume water only, as long as possible and then add other liquids as needed, and oatmeal if I get desperate. I'm also trying to stop swearing and to guard my thoughts better. This plan is based on lessons I've learned from previous fasts. My main prayer focus during this one is the leaders of my church and school, a couple friends, and a family member with a health issue.

Monday, February 12, 2024

Today is the day of small beginnings. Zech. 4:10 tells us, "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin." And Phil. 1:6 tells us that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. When I was walking out of the library today, I felt strangely separate from this world, almost like I was floating in another realm. Being driven by earthly things ties me to this world. Shifting my focus lets me more easily pass through the thin veil that divides Earth from the spiritual realm. 

It wasn’t a bad day, but now it’s evening and I’m feeling irritable, tired, a little cold and headachy,  and I want to eat. My stomach growled a few times, probably just out of habit. I snacked on a bowl of ice until Shiloh got to it. Made me wish someone would invent hot ice or just crunchy water or something to do with your mouth that doesn’t make you cold. Went to pool class and everyone talked about food. First 24 hours down. 480 to go.