The Fast - Day 11

Thursday, February 22, 2024

Last night my mom suggested I put raisins in my oatmeal for an iron boost. I found myself fantasizing about raisins for a ridiculously long time after that. I ended up going to the kitchen at almost midnight to see if we had any. I found this box of raisins that expired five years ago and had weevil webs in it, but I ate it, and you know what? Those dried up webby raisins were surprisingly good. 

Nothing but water today, and not even enough of that, but my voice was decently strong at my singing lesson, and I had plenty of energy to hike in the woods with a friend  and conduct a forensic autopsy on coyote bones. The joy of the Lord truly is my strength, because I got nothing else in me, and I’m unreasonably joyful! I found a quarter and a dime in the woods. 35 cents. I wondered about the meaning of the number 35. I was disappointed to find that it boringly signifies business, building, efficiency, realism, and balance. That is so not me. But then I stopped at Walmart and found a penny in the parking lot. I like the symbolism of the number 36 much better: creativity, enthusiasm, and using the imagination and intellect.  :)   My stomach is growling. I am hungry. As I typed that, I thought, "Well, duh!" and then I remembered Matthew 4:2, to which I always had that same reaction: "After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry." Jesus is my hero.

The Fast - Day 10

Wednesday, February 21, 2024

This is now officially the longest I’ve ever fasted, although technically it’s not a fast. I am eating, just not much, and not whatever I want. I’ve learned from previous fasts that I won’t go the distance with no nutrients at all, and if I’m too weak to do anything, what’s the point? I had a little chat with my pastor last night, and he referenced a story from the Bible that I know I've read several times, but I didn't remember it. (That man knows the Bible better than anyone I've ever met.) It was from 1 Samuel 14, where the Israelites are battling the Philistines, and King Saul makes this rash proclamation that nobody is allowed to eat until sundown. His son Jonathan didn't hear the proclamation, wandered into a forest dripping with honey (mmmm, just imagine!!), dipped his staff into it, put it in his mouth, and "his countenance brightened". I can relate. My countenance brightened so much when I licked that drop of honey off my finger on Day 7 that I wrote a poem about it. 😋 My pastor said the point is that you don't fast while you're in the battle. You fast before the battle to be prepared, but while you're in it, you eat, because you need the strength! His family is in a battle right now, and that's part of the reason I'm fasting. That's one thing about fasting: you make yourself weak so that others can be strengthened by your prayers. It's not the context of 2 Cor. 12:9-10, but it applies. "For when I am weak, then I am strong." When I'm physically weakened by a fast, I'm spiritually strengthened.

I messaged Mike at work and asked if he’d like a bowl of oatmeal for dinner or a cup of broth with saltines. He chose the latter. We sat at the table and enjoyed that scrumptious dinner together, after sincerely thanking the Lord for it. And we had the formerly-nasty-now-delicious yogurt melts for dessert. They taste just like ice cream to me!

The Fast - Day 9

Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Anticipating that Tuesdays will be my hardest days during the fast, because it’s my long day of working at Costco with all the food and then going straight to choir rehearsal. When I’ve fasted before, working at Costco is always the hardest. It’s a real test. So this morning I ate a pot of oatmeal right before I left so I would be full when I got to work. While I was driving there, I was praying, “Lord, could you give me an easy product that doesn’t require cooking, something I don’t like (which is hardly anything), like maybe those nasty yogurt bites in pharmacy?” When I got to work, I was walking down the hall where our carts are lined up, checking each one for my name, and mine was the last one. Guess what was on it? Those nasty yogurt bites in pharmacy! I had a little praise party and rejoiced that He knows, He listens, He cares about every stupid little detail. I had a wonderful day, filled with oatmeal and the joy of the Lord!

There were a few of those yogurt bites left at the end of my shift. There are only four ingredients: mango, carrot, coconut milk, and lemon juice. I used to think they were nasty, but last night when I put them in my mouth, they were delicious!

The Fast - Day 8

Monday, February 19, 2024

I made a smoothie with frozen banana and spinach, protein powder, almond milk, and water, and I was so crazy thankful for it that I just sat and gazed at its beauty and praised the Lord for it for a while before I drank it.

Binged on saltines again.

Good day with the Lord speaking to me and writing songs together. I’ve been feeling His presence and hearing His voice, but my Bible memorization has been extremely difficult during this fast. It was going well before, but now I have trouble focusing. 

Good workout in the pool, and nice time of fellowship with the women’s group at church making a craft. There was a dinner too, but I was intentionally late so I would miss it. During the craft, one of the ladies said, “You have to try the Korean BBQ almonds I brought!” It would have been rude and awkward and wrong to say “No thanks, I’m fasting” so I thanked her, ate a couple almonds, said how yummy they were, and stopped eating them. Normally I would have eaten the whole bag.

The Fast - Day 7

Sunday, February 18, 2024

Up early to run the tech at church this morning. Had a bowl of oatmeal with mashed banana, cinnamon, honey, and salt. Ate it slowly and savored every flavor-drenched, nutrient-filled bite. Needed energy and vocal strength for tonight. Then I just binged on half a sleeve of saltines. While I was wiping a drip of honey from the bottle and licking it, I was struck by how incredibly sweet and delectable honey is. I spontaneously prayed a poem: "Thank You for making honey with bees and for hiding sap inside trees."

My voice was not strong, but good enough to get me through a short worship set without cracking. I stayed at the piano to provide background music for ministry that was going on, which gave me a good excuse to avoid the snack table where people were going after ministry. I played until the last person was done and then went out to the snack table where everyone had congregated. There were homemade chocolate chip cookies and other delicacies that I tried not to look at, and then…God provided for me again. He is so faithful! One of the first year students came up to me and handed me a jar of unknown liquid, which I was happy to drink. It turned out to be fruit-infused vinegar, which she had made herself and nobody else would try. It was just what I needed. So good. She was excited to tell me about it and promised to bring me a different flavor next week. 

The poem I prayed got longer as I thought about it later. It doesn't feel complete, but here it is so far:

Hidden Treasures

“I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” - Isaiah 45:3 

You bury water underground

Treasure waiting to be found

You grow pearls inside of shells

Release sound from inside bells

You form babies in dark wombs

And open buds into new blooms

Thank You for making honey with bees

And for hiding sap within trees

And for Your Spirit that won’t decay

Glowing inside these jars of clay

The Fast - Day 6

Saturday, February 17, 2024

I was planning to have some oatmeal so I would have energy to work at the grand opening of the Cancer Institute this afternoon. But I left earlier than planned and didn’t have time to eat anything or drink much. Filled up my water bottle and left. Went to visit friends at the hospital and then walked to the Institute, which was not where I thought it was, so ended up being a much longer walk in the cold wind. Finally got there and refilled my water bottle and hoped I’d make it through more walking, herding people on tours.

While I was waiting with my tour group, one of the chefs in the teaching kitchen was making a smoothie. I watched him put in spinach, fresh ginger, pineapple, banana, and I said to him, “I want a smoothie real bad.” He said, “I’d be happy to make you one! What kind would you like?” I told him whatever he’s making would be great, and he poured me a glass. It was exactly what I needed. I’m amazed at the ways God provides. There was also cucumber water available at this event, so I filled up my water bottle with that and then went to church, where I was working tech and drank lots of water. A busy happy day of serving, with no time to think about food, and the Lord sustained me with enough energy to do all the things all day long.

The Fast - Day 5

Friday, February 16, 2024

Weak and hungry. Woozy and moving slowly. Wondering how I’ll be able to do my job tonight that requires strength and energy. Planning to have some oatmeal before I go. Mike was telling me about the delicious buffet he had last night at a hockey game (he took a day off from the fast), and I got so into his description that a little trickle of drool actually escaped the corner of my mouth. Watching a cooking class webinar. I miss food. Having trouble getting focused on the Lord. Swore once this morning but caught myself a few times and didn’t. Still swearing in my mind more than I should be. 

I told myself that I could have oatmeal this afternoon. I thought about that oatmeal all morning. By 11:15, I thought, “If I start heating the water right now and I do it real slowly, it will be afternoon by the time it’s done.” When the water finally got hot enough, I put in the oats, stirred them around and watched them swirling and dancing in the water. After ten minutes, I took them off the heat so they wouldn’t get mushy, but it was only 11:54, so I set them on the counter, smelled them, and breathed in the steam, imagining how good they were going to taste. At 11:59, I loaded some onto a spoon and positioned it in front of my  mouth, so as soon as the clock turned 12:00, I shoveled it in. I made a big pot full of oats, and I ate it all. I’m full and ready to work. 

I got to work at OSF and saw this gauze pack on the desk. I was sure it was fresh mozzarella.

The Lord’s message to me today is that He will finish what He started in me. Give Him the little I have to offer, and in His big hands, it is more than enough. You see the light more clearly in darkness. It shines brighter.