Too many Amys

Yesterday I mentioned that it was my cousin Amy's birthday. The kids continually get her confused with their aunt, whose name is also Amy, because they hardly ever see Cousin Amy. In fact, there was a period of time when the kids referred to her as "Different Amy", because at one time I had said, "No, it's not Aunt Amy; it's a different Amy."

So yesterday, I specifically made a point to emphasize that it was COUSIN Amy's birthday. The point was totally lost on my audience. Sarah said, "Oh, I wonder if Sam and Ben and Paul (AUNT Amy's kids) sang to her!" I explained yet again, that Cousin Amy is not Aunt Amy.

Finally, Noah said, "Oh, is she the one who's a missionary?" I replied that yes, that's the one. Then Sarah utterly perplexed me by saying, "Oh yeah! The one who lives in a museum!" I stared at her, in awe that a mother could have absolutely zero idea what her own child was talking about. Since I was speechless, Noah took over for me and asked, "What museum?" Sarah said, "The new museum." After a moment of confused silence, Noah smiled and said, "No, Sarah, it's not called new museum. It's New Zealand." I had to remind them that she doesn't even live in New Zealand anymore, but at least they had the right Amy.

Back in time

Noah and Sarah were good-naturedly teasing each other. I don't remember how it started, but it involved Noah doing something unintelligent and Sarah saying, "Looks like you need to go back to kindergarten." That prompted Noah to say, "Well then, you need to go back to preschool!" Sarah's comeback was, "You need to go back to being a baby!" Determined to have the last word, Noah replied, "You need to go back to your birthmother's uterus!"

Cleaning windows

I was scrubbing bird brains off the windows this morning. Whenever I clean the windows (which is certainly not often), I'm reminded of my former boss when I worked at a theater in high school. She was very particular about how the glass doors were cleaned, which was one of my responsibilities. She insisted on using newspaper to clean the glass, and it always left my hands black.

So now my hands are black again, and my windows are clean. Not spotless, and probably wouldn't be approved by my former boss, but my kids will have their dirty little hands on them soon anyway. I told the kids that I just cleaned the windows (hoping they won't touch them for at least a couple days), and Noah asked how clean they were. I said they were good enough for me. He said, "Yes, but are they good enough for Grandma?"

Hacking and rummaging up lunch

The kids thought they would do something nice for me and make lunch all by themselves. My job was to stay out of the kitchen and let them work. I asked them what they were going to make, and Sarah said, "We can't tell you; it's a surprise." I was listening nearby, and heard their conversation:

Sarah: What are we making?
Noah: I don't know. I thought you had a plan!
Sarah: Well you're the one who wanted to make lunch.
Noah: You're the one who told Mom it was a surprise, so what is it?
Sarah: What is what?
Noah: What is the surprise?
Sarah: Lunch!
Noah: What are we making?
Sarah: I don't know!

It was starting to sound a little like a "Who's on First?" routine, but then finally Noah announced, "Ok, you rummage the pantry for something to eat. I'll hack up an apple."

When they called me for lunch, on the table was a bag of chex mix, an apple (very hacked up), a bag of carrots, and three pieces of string cheese.

Homeschooling at its finest

Noah was quizzing Sarah on her Civil War knowledge (or lack thereof). He asked her who the commander of the confederate army was. She looked like she was concentrating and really trying to remember. Finally she said, "Oh, I know! Albert Pujols!"

Scary Siths

I was baking cookies while the kids were dressing up as Star Wars siths. Noah peered into the oven and said, "Mmmm....cookies: a sith's only weakness." Sarah was looking for something to make herself look scary, and she decided on her lion mask that she made at CBS for the lesson on Daniel in the lions' den. Noah said, "That's brilliant, Sarah! It would be even scarier if it didn't have a Bible verse on the back."

Calgon Moment

It was my week to work in the children's department at Bible study, so I spent the morning with 8 two-year-olds. Then we did our usual Thursday Aldi stop. When we got home, the kids were unloading and hauling in the groceries, while I was putting groceries away and trying to make lunch at the same time. Soon I heard glass shattering and Noah screaming. I looked out and saw shards of glass and pasta sauce all over the garage. Before I could deal with that, the doorbell rang. It was the old lady across the street wanting to talk to me about taking care of her cat for a week. I told her I would come over later, and as she was leaving the phone rang. The oven started beeping. Groceries still covered the counters, and Noah was still standing in spaghetti sauce and glass. I cut the phone call short, pulled the food out of the oven, and headed for the garage. The smoke detector started blaring. I glanced around for hidden cameras, thinking I MUST be on candid camera, or that maybe I had forgotten that the Calgon people were coming to shoot a commercial today.