How many mints would a woodchuck mince if a woodchuck could mince mints?

Noah is studying South Africa in school.  Here's a convoluted conversation we had today.
N: Ostrich meat is less expensive than mints in South Africa.
M: Hmm. Mints must be pretty expensive there.
N: What is mints?
M (giving him the crooked eye): You know what mints are.  You know, like breath mints?  Peppermints? Spearmints? You know.
N: No, not mints, Mom.  Mints.
M: What? Who's on first?
N: What?  I just want to know what mince is!  (He shows me the word in the book).
M: Oh, mince.  I have no idea.  Jenny Thomas likes mincemeat pie, but that doesn't answer your question.

I google "mince" and am glad I did it myself instead of assigning him to do it, because the first thing I see is the urban dictionary's definition:  "To move or act in a way that implies homosexuality."  What?!  I have never heard that one before.  I go to the regular dictionary definition, which defines the verb as chopping into small pieces, which everyone knows.  Then it defines the noun as "something minced, esp. mincemeat."   Is that a helpful definition to anyone?  Not to me, so I look up mincemeat.

Wikipedia tells me that "Mincemeat is a mixture of chopped dried fruit, distilled spirits and spices, and sometimes beef suet, beef, or venison."  I read that definition to Noah.

N: So it's fruit, ghosts, spices, and meat? And they call that a pie?  And Jenny Thomas seriously likes it?
M: Ghosts?
N: Distilled spirits?
M: Oh, that's some kind of alcoholic beverage, I think.  I'm sure it's not ghosts.
N: Still, doesn't sounds like a very good pie to me.  
M: No, it sure doesn't.  And it doesn't explain the fact that ostrich meat is cheaper than mince. 

Further research reveals that "mince" apparently just means "hamburger" in South Africa  I'm friendly with a lady from South Africa who works at Papa Murphy's.  Next time I see her, I'm going to ask her about it.   

Am I real?

I sent someone a message on Facebook.  No response.  I sent a different person an email.  Nothing.  I called someone and left a message on her voicemail, asking her to call me back.  She never called.  This all happened within the last week.  Today I arrived at 9:10 for my 9:15 dentist appointment.  I signed in and sat down to wait.  I like early morning appointments, because you usually don't have to wait long, because they can't be running too far behind yet. Other people came in, signed in, sat down, and got called back.  I sat there till 9:30.

I started thinking about a story I read in college about a person who didn't actually exist.  All through the story, it seemed like he was a real person, but at the end it was revealed that he was only a character in another person's dream.  When the dreamer woke up, that character just evaporated.  That story blew my  mind and disturbed me on a deep level.  I spent months (ok, probably years) wondering how we can definitively prove that we exist.

All these events converged on me at once, and I suddenly wondered if I was real.   There was one other guy in the waiting room, pecking away at his cell phone.  I stared at him for awhile, but he didn't glance up, so I finally said, "Hello."  He never removed his beak from his phone.  Awkward.

I finally got called back for my cleaning, and the pain and blood suggested to me that I was, in fact, a real person.  (These same signs suggested to the hygienist that I need to floss more often).  I stopped at Kroger on my way home.  I went to the self-checkout lane, just to be sure that I would be recognized by the checker.  

The minute I got home, I was greeted by people who wanted to talk to me, a message to call my mother-in-law, a pile of dirty dishes, groceries to put away, children who wanted me to make lunch, and cats who wanted water.  I felt like I existed.  I also felt that, if I really was just a figment of someone's dreaming imagination, this would be a good time for that person to wake up. 

A strange postscript to this story:  When I went to the website for my blog, I got this message:

And when I tried to upload the picture I took of that message, the computer didn't recognize my cardreader.  Hmmm.....

Fun with mirrors

Noah was supposed to be cleaning his room, but I found him doing this:

 He said, "When I look in the mirror while it's pointing at the ceiling, my room looks perfectly clean!"

 Then he took the mirror into the kitchen and pointed it at the skylight.  It made it look like there was a big hole in front of him on the kitchen floor.  It was such a convincing image that he wouldn't take a step forward.

He flipped the mirror over and pointed it at Shiloh, who was walking by on the floor.  He said, "It looks like Shiloh is spider-walking across the ceiling!"  The whole mirror thing amused him for a long time.

Jokes and conversations

We were eating lunch, and Noah and I somehow got on the topic of eternity.  He said, "I don't see how there could be no beginning and no end.  Everything has a beginning and an end!"  I made some lame comment about circles, and I could see that Sarah was dying to jump in, but uncharacteristically restraining herself from interrupting, so I said, "Yes, Sarah? What would you like to add?"  She said, "What happens to baseball players when they get old?"  That gave me pause.  As I was thinking about how to respond to that, she said triumphantly, "They go batty!"  I said, "What does that have to do with eternity?" and she said, "Huh?"  I hadn't recognized that she was in Sarahland, with no idea what was going on around her. Noah smirked and said, "You used to play baseball, didn't you, Mom?" 

Ham and corn proverb

Every afternoon before quiet time, we read and discuss a chapter of Proverbs.  Today is the 21st, so we read Proverbs 21.  As I read, I sensed that the kids might not be paying very good attention, so I threw in a little something of my own in the middle to see if anyone would notice.  It went like this:

....To do what is right and just
    is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.

The plans of the diligent lead to profit
    as surely as haste leads to poverty.

If there is corn in the pantry,
     I will make ham and corn casserole for dinner.

  A fortune made by a lying tongue
    is a fleeting vapor and a deadly snare....

Noah said, "Hey, wait...what?  Do we have corn?"  Sarah said, "Ham and corn casserole is my favorite!  Let's go see if we have corn!"  

So I guess they really were listening.  They found corn in the freezer, so we're having Sarah's favorite tonight.
 
 

What's your deepest desire?

Sarah was telling me about a magical mirror in a Harry Potter book.  Apparently when you look into it, you see your deepest desire fulfilled.  Then she caught me off-guard with this question: "What would YOU see if you looked into it, Mom?"  I thought for a minute and then told her that I would see myself and everyone I love in heaven.  She said, "Is that your deepest desire?"  I considered, and then said, "Yes.  It really is.  What would you see?"  She said, "I see myself standing on the podium after winning the Olympic gold for the U.S. Gymnastics team."  What would you see?  Leave a comment.

Noah's HOPE chest

Last week, Noah heard a speaker from The HOPE (Helping Other People Excel) Chest.  They run a food pantry and give out 800 SnackPacs every month to children who are below poverty level.  Noah had a desire to help, so he brought home a list of needs and decided to make three SnackPacs with his own money.  He spent $7.60 and filled three bags with mac & cheese, raisins, crackers and peanut butter, granola bars, fruit cups, fruit rollups, and pudding cups.