Sweeping and Singing

I grew up in the country, where you could mow your yard naked and nobody would see you (or they wouldn't care if they did). I've lived in civilization for several years now, but sometimes I revert to my country-girl roots. For example...

Today I was vacuuming. I don't like to vacuum, so I was making up a song to distract myself. This is probably a sacrilege, but I was basing my song on Hebrews 12:1, which says: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." My version went like this: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of dust bunnies, let us suck up everything that hinders and the rug that so easily entangles, and let us suck with perseverance the dirt tracked in by us."

A child interrupted me in the middle of my vacuuming and singing. This child was concerned that I would accidentally suck her up in the vacuum, so I made up a new song for her as I resumed my work. It was based on one of my favorite Mr. Rogers' songs ("You Can Never Go Down the Drain"). My version went something like this: "You can never get sucked, never get sucked, never get sucked up in the vacuum. Dirt can go in, and dead insects too, but not you..." I had to sing very loudly, of course, so the child could hear me over the noise of the vacuum.

As I inhaled for my next dramatic verse, I thought I heard a horrifying noise. I turned off the vacuum and listened, and sure enough, there it was again. The doorbell was ringing. Full of dread, I peeked around the corner, and there was a person at the door. She was probably thinking that this wacko broad (me) would be just the kind of person to buy something from a door-to-door salesperson (her), but she was wrong.