Surviving attacks

I did the closed captioning for a video about self-defense, and I wanted to try out what I learned, so said to Noah, "Choke me."  He was reluctant. I told him I needed to see if this move worked. He said, "How do you want me to choke you? Gently? Hard? From the front? From the back?"  I told him to choke me hard from the front.  So he did.  Wow, that was an eye opener.  I was completely powerless, because I didn't have time to get into my stance and prepare for my big move, so I just crumpled in a breathless heap and whimpered.  My attacker felt bad.  I told him to choke me more slowly and gently and give me time to get ready.  He did.  I executed my move perfectly and felt tough.  Ten minutes later, he felt bad because my neck was still red.  I told him not to feel bad because I learned some important things.

Then he told me I should just carry a gun and learn to shoot.  I told him that will certainly not happen. I would end up doing something stupid by accident, like maiming myself or killing an innocent bystander.  He said, "A gun would come in handy, even if a bear or a rabid dog was coming at you."  I decided to practice my defense techniques in a bear attack situation.  Shadow was walking by, so I said, "Pretend Shadow is a bear."  I curled up on the floor and pretended to be dead. Shadow came over and flopped down next to me and purred.  I said, "See?  I don't need a gun."