What's my gift?

My parents made me take piano lessons when I was a kid, which I pretty much hated, but now am very grateful.  I am not a gifted pianist, but I very much enjoy playing and get great satisfaction from it.  After my parents let me quit taking lessons, I didn't play the piano at all for several years.  But in college, I lived close to the music hall with its practice rooms, and I found myself playing the pianos in there for fun and relaxation.  When I moved into my first house, the piano went with me, and every time I've moved since then, it has moved with me.  As I got busy with life and kids, my piano playing went mostly dormant for many years, but this year, the music director at our church (who has also become a close friend) showed me how to play without the chore of having to read notes, but just by reading chords. It was like being freed from prison.  Now I play freely whenever I have time, and it is pure fun.  If I hear a song on the radio that I like, I can look up the chord charts and play it myself.  

With this newfound ability to play, I want to sing too, which I do when I'm home alone, but I don't have the kind of voice that people want to hear.  I told my worship director friend Doug that I want to be able to play and sing like Andrea (a worship leader at church who plays effortlessly and has the most beautiful voice) and that I asked God for it and He said no.  And Doug said if I had phrased it differently, maybe He would have said yes. I asked him to rephrase it for me, and he said, "I’ve come to realize that if God wanted me to sing and play like Bruno Mars … he would have made me Bruno Mars … so now I pray like this: Jesus would you increase the anointing on my musical gifts that you have given me so that I can put your glory on display by 

1. Better technique 

2. More creative ways to interact with the musicians around me 

3. And better understanding on the songs 

And to make my voice better in intonation, pitch and tone so that people will want to listen to the lyrics you would like them to hear. Amen."

That left me speechless and pondering for a long time.  What really is my motivation?  Doug's motivation  is clearly to glorify God.  I think mine might be more selfish, and maybe that's why my answer was no. Singing is not my gift.  But maybe it can just be something that I enjoy doing alone with God. Like speaking in tongues.

What then is my gift?  A prophetic man from church just recently prophesied over me that he saw me with golden pen in my hand and that there are things I either do write down or need to be writing down. He said God wants to speak through me through writing. He said God wants to give me heavenly revelations to write down and share. This guy doesn't know that I have a degree in English and have always loved to write. So the question is, how do I use that gift for God's purposes?  I'm on the lookout for ways to do that. Singing in front of people terrifies me, but writing doesn't.

Why do I work at Costco?

I've been working at Costco for about five months now, and it's about time I blogged about how and why I took this job.  Back in March, I was walking down an aisle at Costco, minding my own business, shopping, not looking for a job. There was a woman standing by her food demo cart, talking about granola bars.  I didn't care about her granola bars, but I stopped to listen just to be polite. I had a bag of dried jackfruit in my cart, and she asked me if it was good.  I ripped open the bag and gave her a piece to try.  She said I was just the kind of person they were looking to hire and that I should apply.  She gave me the application info, and I said I would think about it and pray about it and talk to my husband.

I thought about it on the way home.  I prayed about it and got a clear yes from God.  I discussed it with Mike, and he wasn't against it.  So I applied, got an interview, passed a drug test, completed all the forms, and was working within a week.

A little background information.  All my life, I've loved animals more than people, and I've always felt guilty about it and asked God to help me love people.  For some reason, when I woke up on January 1, 2021, my heart was stuffed full of love for a person I had barely known previously, and from there I started being more able to love other people with God's love too.  So as the people are walking by my cart at Costco, I'm praying for them and interacting with them with genuine love. Sometimes it goes way beyond handing them a food sample.  I've had deep conversations with many people and had lots of opportunities to minister to them in various ways.  When I first started, we weren't handing out samples because of covid, so there was a lot of downtime that I filled with prayer and memorizing Bible verses. 

Overall, I love this job, and some days I actually can't wait to get there and see what opportunities God has for me.  On most days, there's at least one thing that happens, or one person I encounter that makes it clear to me that this was my purpose for being there that day.  Some days there are multiple of those.  Once in awhile, there are none.  There have also been difficult situations/people I've had to deal with, and some days I dread going in to work.  At those times, I've asked God if this is still my mission, and He always says definitely yes.  Knowing that I'm where I'm supposed to be, doing what He wants me to do makes it easy and a joy most of the time.  The promotion, raises and bonuses help too. Sometimes I can't believe they're paying me to do this. 

Yesterday I was handing out samples of ridiculously overpriced shampoo and conditioner.  I prayed, "Lord, people are suffering in Afghanistan and dying of a global pandemic.  Why do you have me here hawking hoity toity hair products?" and He said, "I have you there to pray about all those things and to love people."

Why do I take pictures?

 

Yesterday I was looking out the window and I saw a breathtaking dragonfly with his wings spread in the sun, perched on a dewy plant.  My first thought was, "I must take a picture of that."  But I stopped and thought before I acted (which is still rare, but becoming more common as I get older).  And this was my thought.  I could go get dressed, get my camera, hope the battery is charged, rush out there and line up a  good shot without scaring him, and hope to get all that done before he moves or the light changes... OR ...I could just stand here and admire him from the window. I could just look at him with my own eyes instead of through the lens of a camera.  I could appreciate the beauty of this moment without attempting to capture it (and a picture never fully captures the moment anyway, does it?). 

Then I thought to myself, I remember taking pictures of dragonflies before, so I probably already have this shot anyway, and what did I ever do with it?  Nothing.  I didn't enlarge it, frame it, print it, or ever even look at it again.  I started questioning, why do I even take pictures?  I'm thankful that I have thousands of pictures of my kids growing up, but why do I take pictures of beautiful things in nature?  Am I trying to capture something I know I can't hold onto?  Am I afraid I won't remember what it looks like?  Trying to recreate the feeling of awe I had when I saw the thing I photographed?  That never works.  Maybe I take pictures to satisfy the urge I have when I see something beautiful to photograph it and share it with others. So the act of taking the picture is in itself enough.  It doesn't matter if I ever print the picture or even look at it again.  I just like taking pictures.

But sometimes, I'm just going to marinate in the moment, appreciate the glory that's right in front of me, and let go of my urge to capture it.