Billboards

I was driving to Peoria today, and the kids were riding in the back, gazing out at all the sights. We hadn't been to Peoria for a month, so they seemed very interested in everything. As we were approaching a billboard that read "No phishing...Protect Your Data", I could hear Noah trying to decipher the word "phishing". My brain was scrambling for a way to explain what phishing is, but fortunately he wasn't able to figure it out well enough to even ask me about it in the short time it took to drive past it.

Relieved that I'd dodged that bullet for the moment, we came to a stoplight right next to a digital billboard. The light was red, and Noah was reading aloud the harmless advertisement about siding and windows. Inexplicably, Sarah started singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" at the same time. Suddenly the billboard picture dissolved into a scary looking mugshot of a missing criminal, announcing in huge letters that he is wanted for armed robbery and sexual assault.

I quickly initiated an impromptu game of "I Spy" in the opposite direction. "I spy something green out Sarah's window...."
Noah was too focused on the billboard to take the bait. "Arm...armed...what's armed? robbery and..."
Sarah droned on: "...all of the other reindeer...Is it that tree, Mommy?"
"No, it's another green thing. Are you looking, Noah?" How long is this light going to be red?!
I remembered when we regularly drove by a billboard that read "Gun Crime=Hard Time". Noah was a beginning reader at the time, but he didn't have any trouble figuring out what those words said. Then, of course, he wanted to know what that meant.

I know the world isn't perfect and that my kids have to learn to live in it, but can't I protect them from evil for a few more years? I hate being put in the position of having to explain deception, fraud, crime, hard time, and sexual assault to my young children, all because we drove ten miles down the road. Today I bought a little more time.

Just as the light turned green, Noah asked, "Mom, what is sexual asphalt?" and I said, "Let's talk about it later, okay buddy? Because you're about to miss the green thing and I'm going to win!" He never brought it up again. I was afraid he would remember at bedtime, when he rehashes the day's events and asks the deep questions. Hopefully he forgot about it.