Tuesday, August 2, 2016

If Heaven Were a Sausage

The kids and I were having lunch and talking about various things.  Noah said, "Mom, you should write a book when you get old.  You've had an interesting life."
Sarah said, "I'm going to write a book too.  It's called 'The Medal-less Martial Artist'.  It's about me." (She must still be disturbed by her performance at last weekend's tournament).
Noah said, "But you've medaled before..."
She said, "Well, maybe I'll call it the Medaling Medal-less Martial Artist."  
I asked if she meant "meddling" or "medaling", and after I explained what meddling is, we had a good laugh about that little play on words.  
Then Sarah suddenly announced that the title of her book was going to be "If Heaven Were a Sausage".  I asked her what it would be about, and she said, "It would tell what the people in heaven would be if they were foods."
[I was done eating and had moved on to cleaning, but I forced myself to stop wiping so I could transcribe this conversation.  That's why I have lots of good stories and my house is a perpetual mess.]

Noah: Jesus would obviously be bread, because He called Himself bread in the Bible.  Hey, I just had a revelation!  In the Lord's prayer, when we say 'Give us this day our daily bread', we're really saying, 'Give us this day our daily Jesus!'"
Sarah: Mary would be a saltine because of her salty tears.
N: David would be an anchovy, because he's just salty.
S: Peter would be black licorice, because he looks good but tastes awful.
N: Paul would be a cow. And Sarah, you would be a pork shoulder.
S: Hey! You just wanted to call me a butt!  Well, you would be congealed pork blood!
N: Nah, I'd be yeast. You know why? Because I'm always rising to the top!
S: If anybody is yeast, it's Jesus. He's the one who rose.
N: Oh yeah, Jesus is yeast, and God is the bread, because there's yeast in bread!
S: God would be pizza!
N: Definitely.

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