End of the year interviews

SARAH, AGE 12:

If you had 8 tentacles like an octopus, what would you use them for?

One for eating apples. Two and three for running. Four, writing poems. Five and six, doing gymnastics, seven and eight, doing martial arts, and...

You only get 8, so there you go.

Aw. I wanted to do one for art.

Well, you can be a 9-tentacled octopus.

What do you think is at the very bottom of the ocean? A 9-tentacled octopus?

A yeti crab! There's volcanic lava rocks erupting up because there's underwater volcanoes at the bottom of the ocean and the yeti crab sticks its arms out because it's really hairy and it filters all the lava, like the magma, through its yeti arms and then uses it as fuel.

If you could make the moon a different shape, what would it be?

A cat. There's a man in the moon, and now there's a pet.

If you could have an 8 ounce cup filled to brim with one item, what would that item be?

Like a liquid?Any item I guess.

[long pause] Probably Jolly Ranchers.

If you had to start a colony on a newly discovered planet, what things would you bring with you?

My phone, so I can text people about it...What was the question again? I know it's on another planet...

If you had to start a colony on a newly discovered planet, what things would you bring with you?

My room. I'd just bring my room, that's all, because it has all my stuff in it. I'd just break it off the edge of the house and fly away with it.

If you had to explain your parents to a stranger, what would you say about us?

Two people who are extremely crazy, and my mom runs with her arms waving around in the air, naked, and my dad wrestles with my brother, and they both wear silly outfits, and they sing about bananas and broccoli and fruit.

If your shoes could tell a story about your day, what would they say?

“My day was horrible because my person was going everywhere” because I run a lot.

Whose face would you put on a dollar?

Shiloh. That would make for a really cute dollar. But her entire body, not just her face.

What three things would be necessary for life to be perfect?

My phone, my food (and food being water too, obviously), oh wait...God, food and water (because that counts as one), and exercise...and education.

What was the best thing about 2016?

My two medals on bars and beam at my Justin Spring Meet.

What do you think was the first word ever spoken?

I KNOW what it is: Let. Let there be light!

What is one thing you have made you are really proud of?

That piece of art right there: the 3-D hand. I've made a lot of stuff.

Would you rather have 4 eyes or 2 mouths?

2 mouths.

What is your favorite story about our family?

The one where you saw Noah's G.I. Joe doll and you had an unresisting urge to kick him in the butt and you did and he went flying into the living room and Dad yelled, “Medic!” Oh, and the one about the Thin Mints, where Noah caught you eating Thin Mints at 10 o'clock at night, outside in a thunderstorm.

If you had to describe yourself in one word, which would you definitely NOT use?
I would not use the word “pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis” because that is way too long.

What is the best compliment you have ever received?

I don't get that many compliments that are above average. Probably just “I like your sweater, where did you get it?” blah blah blah.

Can you come up with a creative story about how unicorns get their horns?

A horse had a brain tumor but it was rainbow and it started growing into a horn and then little ridges started appearing with little clouds on them and it was sparkly and that is how unicorns were made because you know unicorns are just a horse with a horn.

What do you think a goldfish thinks about all day in its tank?

They probably wonder why they can't get out of the tank because it's clear.

Is there anything you would like to share?

No.

NOAH, AGE 15

If you had 8 tentacles like an octopus, what would you use them for?

Tentacles or hands?

Tentacles.

Not much you can do with a tentacle.

[Sarah interjects from the next room: “You could eat a clam!”]

I'd have pretty good basketball skills with 10 arms.

Eight.

Eight.

What do you think is at the very bottom of the ocean? A 10-tentacled octopus?

No. Sand. Probably a 10-armed octopus too. Probably some volcanoes.

If you could make the moon a different shape, what would it be?

Triangle.

If you could have an 8 ounce cup filled to brim with one item, what would that item be?

Diamonds.

If you had to start a colony on a newly discovered planet, what things would you bring with you?

Food, water, research materials, building materials, smart people.

If you had to explain your parents to a stranger, what would you say about us?

Just know that they're a little weird and crazy, but they're ok.

If your shoes could tell a story about your day, what would they say?

What pair of shoes? Clean ones? Dirty ones? Probably “runs around a lot”.

What three things would be necessary for life to be perfect?

Food, water, money

What is one thing you have made you are really proud of?

Uh....I'm sure I've made something....I just made something...what was it?.....Oh! I didn't make it, but I fixed the rails on the stairs.

What was the best thing about 2016?

There were a lot of bad things. The best thing would have to be...probably the two trips to Florida.

What was the worst?

Just about everything possible could die. Trump got elected. Just a bad year.

But for you it was good. Two trips to Florida and all.

Yeah, none of those affected me. It was just a bad year for America.

Would you rather have 4 eyes or 2 mouths?

4 eyes.

What is your favorite story about our family?

Probably the vacation stories.

Can you come up with a creative story about how unicorns get their horns?

No.

If you had to describe yourself in one word, which would you definitely NOT use?

Creative. No, artistic. Artistic! That's the word I'm looking for.

What do you think it smells like in outer space?

Probably dusty.

If you could only eat one thing for an entire week, what would you choose?

Pizza.

What do you think a goldfish thinks about all day in its tank?

They don't have long enough memory to think.

What is the best compliment you have ever received?

Can't think of any.

If you could have a farm animal live with you in your room, which would you choose?

Something small...probably a chicken. No, too loud. Does a farm cat count? Let's do that.

If you had to combine two fruits to make a new one, what would you call it?

Probably pineapples and bananas, because pineapple banana smoothies are always good.

What would you call this fruit?

Banapple.

Anything else to want to share?

Back to the compliment question. I can't think of any, but last night when I was playing 8-ball pool, this annoying person I was playing kept sending me the compliment texts. You can choose “good job” and stuff, but every move I do, he'd send me “good job” even if I scratched.

So you were overcomplimented?
Yes.

And then they were meaningless?

Yes.

Anything else?

No.

[One minute later, he's kicking himself and wants a redo]:

Okay, Noah would like to make an amendment for the record.

Two of them. One of them was when the Cubs won the World Series. That was the best thing that's happened. And another one was for the compliment thing. It was after one of my tests, one of the masters, he was like a ninth degree or something, went up to me and told me I did a good job, so that was pretty cool coming from someone who's a really high rank.