Day 64

Usually my dreams are weird and seemingly meaningless, but I had one early this morning, whose meaning and motive was clear to me.  I dreamed that I was in Korea adopting a baby girl, and I was trying to get her to go to sleep. For some reason, I was wearing rollerblades so I was fumbling around like a hapless fool, and the the baby wouldn't go to sleep.  Then a beautiful Korean woman came in the room.  She looked like the baby, and I knew she must be the birthmother.  She gave me an outfit for the baby and asked if I knew who she was.  I said no, and she said, "I'm her mother.  Her name means 'heard'."  She took the baby from me and started calming her to sleep.  I left the room.  She got the baby to sleep and was going to leave, and I chased her down, yelling desperately, "Wait, wait!  I want take a picture of you so I can show my baby...your baby...our baby...what you look like!"  She let me take a selfie with her and then a couple more pictures of just her.   I asked her for her email address so I could send pictures of the baby as she grew up, but I woke up before she gave it to me, so I don't know if I got it.  I woke up feeling inadequate and incapable as a mother and with an empty longing for contact with my kids' birth mothers, more for the kids' sakes than mine.

After that I had a few shots of bourbon maple syrup right from the bottle and got with the day.

A few hours later, there was a series of incidents that caused me to pray, "Lord, help me parent with patience."  Good thing God understands dyslexic prayers, because what I actually prayed was, "Lord, help me patient with parents."  When I realized what I said, I laughed, and I wondered if God did too.

Sarah had to go clear out her locker, return her iPad, and receive her choir trophy.  I was busy and really didn't want to go.  She is perfectly capable of driving to the high school and back.  She took driver's ed and behind the wheel and completed her 50 hours of supervised driving.  She turned 16 over 2 months ago, has her permit, and would have gotten her license if the DMV was open, so I told her she had my permission to take the car and drive herself there.  She didn't give it a thought.  She said, "I'm not going to drive illegally just because you say it's ok." Gotta respect that.  I went with her.

We played Wii when we got home.  I spent the next two hours cooking a delicious hash, inspired by these good finds at Kroger a few a days ago:

 I've been ruminating on it for a few days and decided to make it today.  I added mushrooms, onion, garlic, yellow and red pepper, potato, sweet potato, and spices.

Noah got home from working with Brad just in time to eat it. He liked it.

When Mike got home from work, he called Noah out to the school room to take a picture of us.  I said, "Wait, why? I'm wearing my pajamas..." and he said, "That's perfect."  And then he presented me with this certificate and gave a nice little speech about my years of service.

Well, the shelter at home continues, but I've taken just about all the pretend trips I can take on this planet, so I'm off to outer space. This will be my last travelogue, because I don't expect to have internet access in deep space. Next stop...the moon!